teenage expression
“When I was 18 my father was completely ignorant, but by the time I was 25,
it was amazing how much he’d learnt.”
Too True!
BONUS TIP 6:
Laugh. Find some common ground in humour, satire, irony – maybe through a TV programme or film. It may make you throw your hands up in horror, but ‘The Simpsons’ has some prize moments of sheer comic dis-functionality in which most of us can see a little something of ourselves, if we’re really honest. After all it’s been around for 20 years and now has its own stamp collection…..
happy, confident teens
But dads (and mums) be warned – telling bad ‘dad jokes‘ (and it seems that all dad jokes are bad jokes, even if they’re good…..) creates embarrassed looks, groans of ‘Ohhh Daaad’, rolling eyes and shrugged shoulders – you have to decide if you want to experience that. On the other hand, if you don’t do generic ‘dad jokes’, maybe your teen will miss out on being able to share horror stories with their mates…..And sharing the experience is part of growing up.
As parents, that’s what we’re there for – silent witness, loud supporter, soft shoulder or sharp wit – you’ll need all of that and more along the way. Is it worth it? Completely - it’s one of life’s richest treasures.
For more resources and articles on personal growth and development, leadership, education, creativity and change visit www.resourcemagazine.co.uk
Picture the scene – it’s late spring, and outside my window, hanging on the end of a cane attached to the roof of the conservatory is a bird feeder. It’s that type of solid pudding or cake, meant for small birds such a great tits and blue tits, who have been feeding there since winter.
The rather Heath Robinson means of suspension is somewhat complex in order to deter the ever present voracious squirrels who were so desperate to reach it they even attempted to scale the slippery glazing bars surrounding the windows. Lacking crampons or suitably formed claws, they failed – and their surprised look as they slid down the outside of the window was highly amusing. Observing those squirrels as they circled, pondered, made vain attempts and kept on trying and devising new routes was a valuable lesson in persistence.
It also reminded me of this wonderful TV programme some years ago when even the most complicated methods of keeping squirrels away from food failed, and the acrobatic audacity of the creatures was portrayed with hilariously entertaining results.
We’ve added deterrents to keep off starlings and blackbirds, and this little food supply is nourishing several families of birds. The tits themselves are no mean acrobats; their aeronautic feats are really quite breathtaking. They fly in at breakneck speed, stop suddenly – just short of splattering themselves onto the glass; at the same time they turn themselves upside down and hang onto the feeder with their feet, whilst staying ever alert to potential threats from predators – truly impressive stuff.
We have had some wonderful entertainment and inspiration watching the to-ing and fro-ing, and pondered on the sheer physical effort required to nurture a nest of chicks to fledgling status.
Recently, there have been territorial wars and thrilling examples of adaptability and determination. Enter our common garden friend, the Robin. Ever present whenever we are out in the garden raking leaves or turning over earth, they grab grubs in their inimitable opportunistic way, bold, alert and happy to sing for their supper.
The robins observed that the tits were very messy eaters – they left behind lots of scraps, probably at least half of what they peck off drops onto the ground beneath the feeder. Initially, the robins simply cleaned up the scraps on the floor. Then they became dissatisfied and wanted to control the food supply.
Slight problem – their spindly legs and larger body weight do not naturally lend themselves to performing the feats of inversion and gripping at which the tits are so expert. A fly-past peck doesn’t do the trick of dislodging the food.
What to do?
New approach – the robins attack the tits whenever they alight on the feeder – but only after they have filled their beaks – causing the tits to disgorge the food onto the floor and enabling the wily robins to clean up the spoils.
Next, the robins decide that they are spending too much time waiting for the tits to turn up and serve dinner.
What to do now?
It appears that robins have very strong wings. So they ingeniously decide to adopt the hovering method. Expending huge amounts of energy, they flap their wings, humming-bird fashion, at great speed, maintaining themselves in position to be able to devour the food directly from source. It is a remarkable sight, the wings a blur as they flap furiously – and they return time after time, fiercely defending the feeder, so the tits are having to dive in at the moments when the robins are back at the nest feeding their young. Other birds have got wise – pigeons, blackbirds and starlings congregate underneath and pick up the scraps, and the odd crazy blackbird seems to want to emulate the robin, and also pretends to be a humming bird.
Now the scenario outside my window is more peaceful again, and the Robin has reverted to waiting on the ground whilst the tits congregate on the feeder and scatter the food. The fledged blue tits accompany their parents, and though perfectly capable of feeding themselves, still willingly accept the thrusting beak inserting food into their throats.
It’s said evolution takes a long time, many generations; in this rapidly-moving world I’m beginning to think that adaptation is a much faster-paced affair, with enterprising creatures observing effective behaviours in other species, and adopting them quickly.
The Robin
He gained control of the food supply for his family, in that intense period of requiring huge quantities to feed the growing chicks.
Hopefully we have begun a sustainable cycle which will see many families of birds return each year to rear their young, and provide us with ongoing lessons in flexibility and adaptation.
We can all learn a great deal from observing how nature adapts to ensure nurture.
Now how can YOU take these lessons in natural persistence, flexibility and adaptation and make the most of the opportunities in your life at this time?
© Christine Miller 2007 – 2009
A friend, Wealth Coach Nicola Cairncross, posted on Twitter yesterday that she wanted to talk to someone about the experience of living with and bringing up young teens, which prompted me to revisit this short article I wrote almost five years ago. It seems to be a time when this aspect of my work with children and young people is in the spotlight, I was interviewed as an expert for a book on coaching the other week – is somebody trying to tell me something?
Little Treasures?
In my role as a coach, mentor and counsellor I work mainly with young people, many of whom come to me labelled with behavioural, learning and/or emotional difficulties. That means I’m quite accustomed to witnessing sulky, aggressive and unhappy children, and it can take a fair amount of time, compassion and humour to unwind and relax and begin to make progress together.
So when my own 16 year old son informed me with some passion the other week that I “have no idea how hard it is to be a child growing up these days” it took me by surprise and prompted me to reflect carefully on my family, my work and my self.
Looking Inside
He’s usually thought of as the wise one in his group, he appears to cope with whatever life presents to him, and he does fine at school. Yet even he is saying that coping is hard.
And it’s in such moments that we can, as parents, gain great insights into just what the challenges of adolescence are these days that might make it harder than it was for us. However, it’s tricky, because any questioning or request for explanation can lead to stonewalling silence – and so how can we mine for those precious nuggets that help us respond appropriately to our little treasures and not dam up the flow before it’s even started? (Apologies for the mixed metaphor…)
Because if it’s hard work being a child these days, it’s probably even harder being a parent who cares, who wants to be supportive yet finds that they are sidelined and that attempts at dialogue are blocked.
You’d think with my experience and skills with other people’s little treasures, it would be a breeze, but dealing with your own kids isn’t the same as being the outside help. After all, you can’t send them home after an hour or so – they are at home. You don’t have the benefit of an outside perspective. Well, that was what I thought until I began to reflect on the limitations I was imposing by holding those beliefs.
I wondered: if I could change my beliefs about it being hard to work with my son, could he shift his beliefs that it’s hard to be an adolescent growing up today?
And this is what happened.
I worked out a way of inviting my son to use a simple strategy of stepping back and stepping out.
I explained to him that I had been experiencing a paradox of finding it hard to be a parent. Feeling uncomfortable offering to help him because he’s my son, and even more uncomfortable not helping him – also because he’s my son, and especially as I have such a wide range of skills that could benefit him. So I went back in time to occasions when it would have seemed impossible and neglectful not to pass on skills and knowledge to him.
Like, what if I’d never talked to him so he could learn from me?
Or taught him to feed and dress himself?
Or helped him to read?
Or helped him to learn to ride his bike?
How weird would that have been?
And in the future, when he learns to drive (Oh, Yes! This Year! as he gleefully reminded me) he’ll accept that know-how from his dad and me.
We ended up laughing at the craziest imaginary scenarios of me being reluctant to be a parent to him, because I knew more than he did.
This opened up a really useful dialogue for us about eking out degrees of responsibility as children approach adulthood, but still being there. And on we went to his scenarios…
He stepped back and found times when it had been enormous fun to be growing up and developing, learning and exploring his expanding world, and rediscovered a sense of joy. He noticed that there was usually someone else involved with passing on skills and knowledge, but that when he was competent he went off and did his own thing. He discovered that he had lots of resources from the past which he could bring forward into the present, and would transfer to the future.
And he recognised that accepting help and support were a way of getting stronger and growing more resourceful – real, lasting treasures to carry forward to a life where it may just be a little easier to be growing up, in that limbo where you’re neither child nor adult. And as for me, I’ve found a more comfortable and fulfilling place in his world where I can support him by balancing the roles of adult and parent – still keeping mum, but now able to speak up as well!!
© Christine Miller 2004
For more articles and features on personal growth and development, check out www.resourcemagazine.co.uk, the magazine dedicated to human potential.
With Scottish poet Carol Ann Duffy appointed the first female Poet Laureate, it’s a step forward for beautiful, accessible, understandable poetry that appeals to a wide audience. That doesn’t mean Duffy’s poems are not exquisite, well constructed, masterly – simply that they are identifiable as expressions of universal experiences.
Duffy wrote poems from a very early age, and attributes some of her success to the support she had from her mother who was herself a compelling storyteller, and teachers who encouraged her work to the point of typing up her early poems and posting them on the classroom wall.
One test of whether a poem ‘worked’ was if her mother could understand it – if she had to ask for explanations, Duffy knew more clarity was required; she also puts the obscurity of so much poetry down to the fact that in many cases it was important that the poet’s wife couldn’t understand what was being said!
Duffy has won many prizes for her poetry, and her most recent collection, ‘Rapture’, which charts a love affair in the life she describes as ‘complicated’ , carried off the T.S. Eliot Prize in 2005 .
I believe that her prize to our world will be to make poetry more accessible in schools, (her work is already on the GCSE syllabus) and in general. In many ways, like art and music, poetic writing is the closest we can get to expressing the essence of the soul, and it’s a therapeutic way of bringing our deepest thoughts and feelings forward into consciousness.
The power of poetic expression is undeniable, and universal, witnessed by the longevity and pervasive influence of such writing, ranging through many styles from for example Rumi, Shakespeare, Wordsworth and Eliot to Betjeman, Ted Hughes, Sylvia Plath, Adrian Henri… (I could go on…and on) and the disciplined minimalism of Haiku.
Here’s a snippet from Carol Ann Duffy’s Rapture, a poem called ‘You’.
“Falling in love
is glamorous hell; the crouched, parched heart
like a tiger ready to kill; a flame’s fierce licks under the skin.
Into my life, larger than life, beautiful, you strolled in.”
Rapture, Carol Ann Duffy, 2005, Picador
You can buy the book here
What’s more, it’s de rigueur in one corporation, NGenera, headed by Wikinomics author, Don Tapscott……..
Christine Miller interviews Don Tapscott
In my early morning London interview with Don, his most recent publication, Grown Up Digital, was up for discussion and we talked about the need for a different method of talent management, what’s happening in business education and how to engage the variously named ‘generation Y’ – the net generation, the Millenials, or the young people aged between 16 and 31, now entering the workforce and with very different ideas and values.
Here’s an under 3 minute audio clip (excuse my first slightly clunky efforts at editing!) which gives a tiny taste of our conversation…..full, fascinating interview is in the upcoming edition of ReSource Magazine.
I have two children born into this generation, and from my experience of them and their friends, they are different in terms of looking for and insisting on certain values being present in the organisations with whom they choose to work or align.
Gib Bulloch, head of Accenture’s Development Partnerships, which provides consultancy services to the Development sector on a non-profit basis, recently told me that there were more volunteers than placements for consultants willing to take large salary cuts in order to make a contribution, and says “Today’s consultants are increasingly interested in making a difference, and it’s a win for everyone when our clients benefit from getting our expertise and services at a fraction of the market rates”.
More clips to come….
A new friend, Steve Earle, sent me a couple of his poems the other day, he’s a really interesting guy who I’m learning about and I appreciate his writing.
One of the poems, called ‘The Sea’ reminded me of a W.B. Yeats favourite ‘The Lake Isle of Innisfree’. Steve’s poem is about a soulful returning to what he knows, to peace and a kind of innocence, a theme shared with ‘Innisfree’.
It’s one of Yeats’ earlier poems and as such, the critics don’t rate it as a work of real literary merit, yet it is beloved of the public and it is widely known and read, memorable, and taught in school. Yeats himself acknowledged that his style changed significantly as he matured and developed as a poet, as you will see in the quote from his autobiography below.
I’ve cherished this poem since childhood and it often springs to mind – even sometimes the parodied versions we chanted – things like:
“I must arise and go now, and go to Innisfree
I left my shoes and socks there, underneath a tree…”
I can feel Yeats’ turning in his grave right now…!!
What is represents is a retreat into peace and calm, from the hustle and bustle of city life – a return to simplicity and the opportunity for reflection. Finding an inner sanctum in which we can take refuge and rebuild our strength is something of great importance in these times of global chaos and concern, and I invite you to enjoy the poem and the pictures here, and find your own Inner Innisfree.
Then visit my events page here and decide to come along and find out how to Flourish in Challenging Times, so you’ll always have your place of peace to keep you calm and confident of your ability to thrive – no matter what.
I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;
Nine bean rows will I have there, a hive for the honey bee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.
buzzing bee
And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight’s all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet’s wings.
Glimmering midnight water
I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements gray,
I hear it in the deep heart’s core.
The lake aglow
Nobel Prize winning Irish dramatist, author and poet
First published in ‘The National Observer’ 13th December 1890
Innisfree is in County Sligo in Ireland, and was a place where Yeats spent holidays with his family in his youth.
Yeats commented on “The Lake Isle of Innisfree” in a passage in his autobiography about his London days:
“I had still the ambition, formed in Sligo in my teens, of living in imitation of Thoreau on Innisfree, a little island in Lough Gill, and when walking through Fleet Street very homesick I heard a little tinkle of water and saw a fountain in a shop-window which balanced a little ball upon its jet, and began to remember lake water.
From the sudden remembrance came my poem “Innisfree,” my first lyric with anything in its rhythm of my own music. I had begun to loosen rhythm as an escape from rhetoric and from that emotion of the crowd that rhetoric brings, but I only understood vaguely and occasionally that I must for my special purpose use nothing but the common syntax. A couple of years later I could not have written that first line with its conventional archaism — “Arise and go” — nor the inversion of the last stanza.”
Last year after a long illness which depleted my immune system and left me tired and lethargic, I decided to dramatically improve my health and fitness. Knowing I wanted a radical way of doing so I chose to follow a raw eating programme. Quite a few people I spoke to were worried that I was going to be consuming raw meat, existing on sticks of celery and wondered how I’d manage.
It was finding a book called Spiritual Nutrition by Gabriel Cousens that triggered me into taking action, and from this I devised my own programme which I followed for three months. During this time I dropped over two stone (28 pounds, 13 kilos) and within two weeks was feeling full of energy and brimming with life.
They say you shouldn’t suddenly go completely raw, that you should do it in increments, but I’m a bit ‘gung ho’ when it comes to these things and I went from a fully fledged carnivore to raw vegan in one fell swoop – with no side effects or challenges other than a rapid detox that meant I needed to stay close to the bathroom for a few days, as I shed what seemed like gallons of water!
I followed the programme until I went to India, where it was more difficult to stay raw, and then when I came home and it was November and cold and dark, I found it harder to stay with it, and by Christmas had started eating meat again. I still yearned for the supremely energetic and healthy way I felt on the raw plan, and recently decided to adopt it again, after I had another bout of the chest infection that laid me low for so long in 2007 and 2008.
Because ”Raw’ had been on my radar for a couple of years, I’d been following some of the UK and US leading lights in the field. More about them in a later post…..
Someone who cropped up a few times, and who was referred to me by my friend Karin Ridgers, of Veggie Vision fame, was Russell James, aka The Raw Chef.
Yesterday I met Russell for the first time, at one of his dinner party experiences. We spent the day watching and helping Russell (well, a little bit!) prepare a mouthwatering lunch and dinner.
Christine Miller watches Raw Chef Russell James at work
All the while he was explaining the whys and wherefores of creating top class raw food, and the end results were astonishing. Really fabulous food prepared and served with style that would put many leading restaurants to shame….
The pics will give you an idea of the mouthwatering treats we enjoyed, ranging from canapés to caramelised onion and tomato tarts to lasagne and what for me was the pièce de resistance… chocolate torte with ginger cream and strawberry sauce…you’d never know this was raw, non-dairy, non-wheat, gluten-free, no sugar, pure organic food packed with nourishment for the body and soul…..heaven.
Christine Miller from ReSource enjoys Russell James's canapes
ReSource loves Russell's Tomato and Onion Tart
Heaven on a plate - favourite raw dish so far
In conversation with my friend Tony Buzan who is currently in Singapore, it emerges that he is missing the English Spring with its flowers and freshness, and the variety that our climate here in the UK offers.
Much as the tropical weather of Singapore is enticing, and the delights of the Far East are unquestioned, we recalled times together when we had made a point of detouring for the sole purpose of seeing the daffodils in London’s St James’ Park, a somewhat ‘Wordsworthian’ experience… and he asked me if the bluebells were out now…..
Bluebells in April
That prompted me to take some photos of my garden whilst the said bluebells are indeed in bloom, along with Forget-me-Nots, and various other delights which are looking very fresh and delicious at present.
It’s so easy to get immersed in the less beautiful aspects of life, especially when you live in the city, to be overtaken by our daily activities and concerns, and forget to value and be grateful for the simple pleasure that comes from appreciating our environment and the inspiring moments that nature can offer.
For my travelling absent friend – some refreshing moments in an English garden…..and thank you for re-minding me to acknowledge Nature’s blessings …
'Potentilla' in full bloom
Above is one of my favourite corners of the garden….it used to be a ‘hide and seek’ game hot spot when the kids were little…..now it’s providing the same function for squirrels and this year a family of blackbirds, plus the usual robins and great tits, and even a thrush.
Bluebells, forget-me-nots, bergenia, euphorbia - Spring 2009
This sheltered patch amongst the flowers is my cat’s favourite hideout for bird spotting – she’s given up on trying to catch them…
Tree peony 2009
The tree peony gives a brief but stunning splash of colour, and produces an abundance of massive seed pods which not only feed the wildlife and but also offers a way for me to please friends who admire the plant with a gift of seedlings for their own gardens.
His Holiness The Dalai Lama - The Embodiment of Compassion
Listening to the Dalai Lama sharing His experiences and thoughts, one of the aspects which most impressed me was the amount of laughter – both from himself and from His audience. There is warm heartedness, humility and a lightness of spirit which is very apparent in His way of speaking, and His words are aimed directly at the hearts of His listeners. His message of compassion and loving kindness is based on common sense and practical living, and he is clear in asserting His belief that:
“The purpose of life is for happiness, to survive happily”
One of His central teachings about the development of compassion is based on the importance of childhood influences, particularly the effects of parenting. He reflects on His own childhood, and says he believes that mothers are the starting point of loving kindness. He describes His own mother’s simplicity, an uneducated village woman from a farming background, and immensely warm hearted. Contrasting her love and gentleness with the more disciplinarian approach of His father, he concludes that had he spent more time in His early years with His father he would probably not have been the same person.
“I believe that my altruistic mind and my compassion – the very seeds of that mind I got from my birth and the next few months and years with my mother – that was the real starting point to raise my model of loving kindness.”
He goes on to say to parents:
“What I say is this – give maximum affection to your children. That is very essential to bring us a happier humanity. The main hope for humanity relies on our future generations. So families with children have a special role – to give maximum affection to your children.
And parents – particularly mothers – spend more time with your children
In these troubled times, as much of what has traditionally been upheld as important starts to fall away,
many of us are questioning ourselves about what is really important in life.
There can be no question that knowing ourselves and recognising our strengths is crucial to our progress.
Until we look within, and find the means to self-leadership and awareness,
we cannot deal honestly and with integrity with the outer world.
In this workshop, you will experience recognising, acknowledging, and then peeling off your masks,
shedding your assumptions
and opening your eyes to the treasure within you.
You will emerge stronger, clearer and with a greater understanding of
who you truly are.
Then you can live a fulfilled life, regardless of the outside influences you encounter,
because your joy will emanate from your inner strengths,
your sense of self will be unassailable,
and you will experience whole-hearted happiness.
CONTACT: christine@christinemiller.co
Christine is dedicated to helping others uncover and fulfil their true potential. She holds a Masters Degree in Psychology and is a poet, author, consultant and speaker at many conferences.
As the Visionary Founder editor of ReSource magazine, she enjoys many opportunities to share thoughts and ideas with world spiritual and personal growth leaders.
“Christine has a graceful presence, a calmness and a warmth which combined with her in-depth knowledge of her subject, and her dedication to her students’ learning, makes her a compelling and inspirational trainer.”
Alison Paterson, Kaizen Training
“People can feel your commanding energy presence as you walk on stage and they can feel your energy and passion, and know with certainty that you totally believe in what you’re delivering.”
Steve Ross, MD, Ross Associates, Bristol
“I have had the privilege of knowing Christine for some time, and I have been very blessed to hear her speak, to share her warm and heartfelt, powerful poetry, and to read her marvellous words in her world-class professional magazine. Not only well connected but someone who leads with her heart and soul first.
The word inspirational is over-used, but is entirely apposite here. Thank you for being a friend.
aloha nui loa (as they say in Hawaii)”
Gary Plunkett, Business Coach
“Christine Miller’s workshop was inventive, creative, fun, intimate, validating and insightful. The notion of masks were all useful reminders, to me, of how much we (I) can choose to stay hidden behind any of a number of facades and, worse, convince myself that it is neither my choice nor my responsibility i.e. if I’m hiding my light it’s because other people aren’t seeing my light! Yeah. Right! Thank you Christine.”
Michael Mallows; author, trainer, coach
“Christine Miller’s workshop was truly excellent.”
Hugh L’Estrange, Director, SEAL (Society for Effective Affective Learning)
“Christine is a wonderful and inspiring spirit, her natural gift to heal with her words and with her hands is tangible as you stand within her presence.
I am delighted to know Christine and have safely shared my personal story with her.
I highly recommend that you experience Christine’s beautiful and calming energy to create harmony in your life.”
Pauline Crawford, Founder, Corporate Heart
“Christine has not only quality in her work but every ounce of her being is designed to make human potential increase. Very few people have this gift. One in a million.”
Nigel Risner, CEO, Nigel Risner
“I spent an inspiring afternoon with Christine recently, and her magic for me is that her guidance appears effortless – to the point I felt that I was coming up with all these wonderful visions on my own. In fact, it was Christine’s caring and intuitive guidance gently taking me to a place I would never have reached without her. Those who know Christine already will understand me when I say that with Christine’s help I have seen a realistic vision of my own future. Thanks Christine – and I look forward to working with you for a long time to come.”
Richard Flewitt, Business Video Producer, New Edge
